help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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