Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
