I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
