my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
