you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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