I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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