I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
