actually, I'm a sock model
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
