if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
