i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
