True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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