I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
