It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
