I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
