how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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