She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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