the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
