what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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