She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
