you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
