Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
