i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just invented taco cereal.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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