Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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