I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
