i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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