so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
