we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize