He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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