I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
