Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
