I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize