when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
