I wish my penis had an off switch
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
