if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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