WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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