Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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