When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
