Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
