New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
