..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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