don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
