Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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