Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
