Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I lost the right to judge tonight
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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