somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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