she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
