I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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