about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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