Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
