I think i peed on brittanys purse
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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