can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize