Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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