I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize