I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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