so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
