You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
