I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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