pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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