After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
