3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
