It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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