get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they need to just BURY HIM!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
