Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
