dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
