Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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