Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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