4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
