I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
