the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
