Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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